Monthly Archives: December 2012

It’s Kind of Like Love

“Not sure. As some have argued, God exists but is not knowable. Which does make sense, given the complexity of the universe and limits of human understanding and knowledge. Some have claimed that we do have access to that dimension, where God is, through logic. Or perhaps intuition or faith. That makes sense to me, that there may be ways that we can get a glimpse of something so grand when our reasoning can not quite help us get there. And some have argued that God does not exist, which I disagree with. I’m in the agnostic/spiritual position in search of personal evidence for God, open to all kinds of experiences, feelings, and thoughts, knowing that this kind of exploration and search is both very frightening and very exhilarating. Intuitively, I feel God but I’m not sure at all. I keep waiting for further signs. It’s like trying to find a way to reach the center of life and existence. I’m aware of the many religions and their conceptions of God, of life, of existence. I also do think that some people have glimpsed God, but that language often times fails to capture God. I remember reading a book by a geologist who had on several occasions felt the presence of God, and the difficulty he had in accepting it and then difficulty yet in proving to others that the experience felt genuine to him and he was completely sure of it. I do find it quite frustrating that reason and logic may not be enough for me to reach God. And I understand that people may feel very paranoid about trusting their feelings, because they can be manipulated. But the same thing with reasoning though. We can spend hours debating something and not reach a satisfying conclusion. The reason is that in philosophy we also have to make certain assumptions before debate and each assumption can be challenged and this can go on forever. So tell me something you really believe in, something you’ve reached through reasoning and I can challenge that, and you can’t completely defend your view.

When I see people make quite persuasive logical arguments for completely opposite views, or for views that don’t make sense to me (i.e. the view that this hand is not my hand or that I don’t exist or that I’m a brain in a vat or whatever), I realize that reason is not enough. And when I see my own eyes deceive me, through magic tricks, optical illusions, my own subjectivity (perceiving only that which I expect to see, paying attention to the wrong thing, my own biological makeup and social upbringing affecting how I see things and which evidence I attend to), I also realize that empiricism is not enough. But how to trust intuition or feelings only, as they too have deceived me? But there is no way around it.

We are human beings, we have senses and a brain, and we perceive and understand reality in a particular way, the essence of which is shared, and yet there is enough variation for all kinds of views and theories. Is it even possible to imagine reality, life, or God, objectively? I don’t think so. We’re imprisoned in this view. It’s like being imprisoned in a black and white room since infancy. Can you imagine what color would or should look like? We’re squares searching for a triangular God. But perhaps God is a circle, a cube. Or a shape along axes unfamiliar to us. Or maybe not even a shape.

Whether God is all powerful, whether He or She or It changes and grows with us human beings, whether the world is part of God or He is separate from it, it’s hard to tell. I’m certainly leaning towards attempting to reach God through intuition and feeling because as fallible as they are, they’re the only way through which I imagine, I can potentially reach God. Because I can not imagine any argument or any evidence presented to me would be enough to tell me God does or does not exist. Even if a big light suddenly started talking to people, telling He was God (I would imagine I have gone insane). And not a book with 200 arguments for God’s existence. It’s kind of like love. Once you’re in love, you know it. Yet you can be fooled and misled at times, but upon further examination of how you feel, you will know. But writing a list won’t tell you. Reasoning won’t tell you for sure. In other words, reasoning and observation are helpful but at the end of the day, you have to trust your intuition. That someone brought you flowers and seeing that as evidence for love, won’t tell you. Spending a lot of money on someone is not necessarily love nor is saying “I love you” a hundred times a day. It’s a process, and may take a long time and involve breakups and heartache, periods where there is hostility, pain, tears, but then somehow you will know. I understand this makes little logical sense to some, but this is my position.”


Langit Hari Ini dan Engkau

Blue Sky wallpaper

Aku suka langit hari ini, menyejukan mata yang melihatnya. Aku dapat menangkap warna kebiruan yang terpantul dari warna dasar lautan, awan-awan yang beriringan terasa begitu ramah dan meneduhkan, bahkan aku bisa melihat bayang-bayang pegunungan di kejauhan. Aku terpesona dengan langit hari ini dan berusaha untuk menaruhnya dalam memori di kepala ini, agar aku tidak melupakan keindahan alam yang diberikan oleh semesta di tengah kesemrautan dunia.

Aku mengangkat tangan kananku kepada langit, berusaha menyentuh keindahan yang sangat jauh di atas sana. Adakah engkau di sana? Setiap melihat langit aku selalu merindukanmu, merindukan engkau ada dalam delusi pikiran ini dan sedang melihatku dari atas sana. Merindukan aliran darah dalam organ-organ tubuh ini memberikan sensasi emosional akan keberadaanmu. Keberadaanmu selalu menghibur, menyenangkan, memberi rasa aman, namun keberadaanmu juga memberikan diri ini keraguan, kekuatiran dan ketakutan.

Ketika gerakan partikel-partikel atom sudah kehilangan keajaibannya, bersamaan dengan itulah engkau pergi, tidak pernah ada lagi di langit luas. Engkau pergi tergantikan oleh gelombang kepastian yang tidak dapat dihindari, dirimu kalah oleh permainan rasionalisasi otak dan perubahan warisan populasi organisme dalam setiap generasi. Ketika ruang dan waktu menjadi tidak terbatas, batasan antara realita dan ilusi hanya setipis helai untaian benang, dirimu menghilang, aku melepaskan tanganku kepada langit dan meninggalkan engkau.

Kini berjalan di bawah langit tidak bersama dengan dirimu lagi, tetapi aku berjalan bersama dengan harmoninasi semesta yang bergerak semakin membesar, menjauh, dan terus menciptakan bintang-bintang baru untuk menemani langit malamku. Ketika aku mengangkat tanganku kepada langit, pikiranku tersadar dan aku tahu diri ini tidak sedang ingin mengapaimu, tetapi aku ingin mengapai rumahku di atas sana.

Perjalanan ini tidak lagi mengandeng tangan semu yang tidak kasat mata tetapi menyambut uluran tangan yang nyata, mengandeng aku untuk berjalan bersama dengan senyuman. Menatap langit, meraih bintang, mengarungi semesta dan membuat hidup yang sebentar saja kelihatan lalu lenyap ini jauh lebih berharga.

Welcome To My Life – Simple Plan

Absolutely love this song, never gets old :)

Continue reading

Try to Fly

IMG-20121203-01019 copy

You can’t fly, no matter how hard you try. A small piece of this puzzle is missing.

Realistic Love

I love you with all my brain: laying aside the intellectually dull sword of biological determinism. – James C. Woodson

Never Forsake Your Determinism

The moon may cry that you are a hapless lover
and there is not one passion worth living for:
every flower that grows is doomed to wilt,
every light that glows is destined to fade,
and every love, ever real, will gradually deteriorate.
Nevertheless, I cry unto you and only you
to love on long and strong and true
and never relinquish your passion
Even if you defy love, you will acquire love
Even if you denounce love, you will inspire love
Even if you resist, you yield.
The sun may cite that you are a hopeless dreamer
and there is not one vision worth striving for: Continue reading